BPD: Unstable Relationships With Family



Hi everyone. For the next several posts, I’m going to be talking about having unstable relationships. I will be talking about unstable relationships in three parts: family, friends, and significant others. Today I will talking specifically about family. 

One characteristic of having Borderline Personality Disorder is having a pattern of intense and unstable relationships that swing from idealization to devaluation. Basically swinging from “the best person in the world” to “the worst person in the world” with very little in between. This makes it hard for both the person with BPD and the person who has a relationship towards the person with BPD. 

As far as my own relationship with my family, it has mostly been on the devaluation side. I didn’t really swing a whole heck of a lot between my family members because most of the time, they were very strict and I resented them for that. Family was definitely important to me, but they were never my top priority in my head because of the way I was treated. I grew up in a household where I could never say no to my parents or give my opinion without being yelled at. I felt like my feelings didn’t matter and that I had to behave like a robot to avoid being yelled at. It took me one very drastic and impulsive action before they reevaluated their parenting. And by then I was a young adult. I did a lot of things behind their back because I had to. I didn’t do anything bad, I mostly snuck around to see guys that I was dating and that my parents didn’t approve of. I got them to reevaluate again when I threatened to move out with one of my friends. My mom’s first reaction was to threaten that she was going to cut me off if I did it. But we came to a compromise, and we all ended up happy in the end. I moved out and my relationship with my parents is a lot better this way. 

I know other people have very different relationships with their families, but I’m just giving you an idea of what my family was like. Next time, I’ll talk about my unstable relationships with friends. 

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